Best In Bro July 2025:

DonQuixote: AKA Dashing Don the Doorman 

Dashing Don was a storm given human form, a swirling vortex of charm, chaos, and suspiciously shiny boots. He could summon lightning with a wink, split oceans with a hair toss, and cause grown men to weep openly with the sheer elegance of his eyebrow raises.

But he had one fatal flaw.
He could not — under any circumstances — open a door.

Be it knob, handle, sliding panel, or even a simple curtain flap, Don would stand before it, mystified. 

Friends learned to leave entrances wide open for him, lest he spend the night trapped in the hallway, dramatically monologuing about “being imprisoned by cruel architecture.”

His tempestuous allure was legendary among women — so much so that they began to make bizarre requests. 

“Don,” they’d say, leaning in close, “pee on me.” Don, blushing furiously, would insist that this was not part of his usual repertoire of services, but his fanbase was nothing if not persistent. 

Rumors spread that his urine contained traces of rainwater from ancient storms, a mystical aphrodisiac of the seas. 

Don refused to confirm or deny this… mostly because he couldn’t figure out how to open the bathroom door.

To this day, Dashing Don roams Sanctuary — part hero, part weather system, part confused man trapped in the vestibule — forever admired, forever locked out.